dropped down 310 buckos to get new break pads for the dad's car. can't say i didn't see it comin with me getting into like 3 near accidents. it's nice and shinney now though, gotta love the complimentary car wash. i think i gotta wake up early so i can dry the mornin dew before the sun leaves it's spots.
not going to semi formal, most definitely could not afford it, i maxed out one of my cards with that maintenance trip. that and i didn't really have a date. apparently lotsa ladies didn't have dates and i coulda asked them, i wasn't really trying. most likely i'm heading back to daygo and gonna grab me some more legendary ramen at mitsuwa before those shops head back to japan.
i don't think i did too good in my math midterm, but at least it wasn't through a lack of trying. i think i learned a good deal. as a whole i'm feeling much more smart again. i started talking in class again and it's always money whenever i speak bwahaha. i definitely feel like i'm gonna own my last few quarters in school.
damn it's 1 am now
Friday, February 29, 2008
Monday, February 25, 2008
thinkin bout things mos def
in one of those wtf am i doing with my life moments. credit card bills, work, needing to study for LSAT and looking out for grad school programs to apply to's got me in a weird mood.
getting back into dance and martial arts has been cool. i've wanted to step back into WoW, but with all the stuff that've been goin on that i need to do it's been hard to get some solid play time. i'd need at the very least 3 hours a day for WoW.
it's already past the half-way point for the year, well past it. i just somehow feel very unaccomplished.
getting back into dance and martial arts has been cool. i've wanted to step back into WoW, but with all the stuff that've been goin on that i need to do it's been hard to get some solid play time. i'd need at the very least 3 hours a day for WoW.
it's already past the half-way point for the year, well past it. i just somehow feel very unaccomplished.
Sunday, February 24, 2008
productive day
hah wiped out my entry cause i had two blogger windows opened and i closed the wrong one.
anyway, short run down of the day
finished first aid training now just waitin on my card and certificate to make it official, afterwards had a locking/breakin session with Brian Lao. after that had a quick tai chi session with Daniel Nguyen. while i did do a little bit of training with eskrima i definitely always wanted to start learning more of the internal martial arts. so i'm definitely havin a bit of difficulty adjusting since eskrima's an external art.
strikes are definitely powerful, but learning to manipulate force is definitely better in a fight. i understood that much starting out with tai chi, and while i did know a little bit about tai chi's methodology; putting it into practice IS seriously a different ball game. what i didn't know was how important utilizing the tendons were in practice. cause frankly the muscles are useless, and while this was something i "knew" getting into it; it's pretty perspective shattering doing the pushing hands and then having your muscles betray you. not only do they telegraph your movements, the more force you use the easier it is to have that force deflected.
anyways i'm gonna go practice some solo forms and then do some fingertip push ups for the hell of it cause i lost my finger strength.
anyway, short run down of the day
finished first aid training now just waitin on my card and certificate to make it official, afterwards had a locking/breakin session with Brian Lao. after that had a quick tai chi session with Daniel Nguyen. while i did do a little bit of training with eskrima i definitely always wanted to start learning more of the internal martial arts. so i'm definitely havin a bit of difficulty adjusting since eskrima's an external art.
strikes are definitely powerful, but learning to manipulate force is definitely better in a fight. i understood that much starting out with tai chi, and while i did know a little bit about tai chi's methodology; putting it into practice IS seriously a different ball game. what i didn't know was how important utilizing the tendons were in practice. cause frankly the muscles are useless, and while this was something i "knew" getting into it; it's pretty perspective shattering doing the pushing hands and then having your muscles betray you. not only do they telegraph your movements, the more force you use the easier it is to have that force deflected.
anyways i'm gonna go practice some solo forms and then do some fingertip push ups for the hell of it cause i lost my finger strength.
Friday, February 22, 2008
and here is why my week is busy
it started off late as hell, i didn't get back to the 'vine til midnight tues/wed. so i ended up being late to my trainer shift. it sucks cause i woke up 30 minutes after the shift started, and right as i was about to call i get a call from the office. i mean the shift was canceled cause we don't ever direct in the rain, but it still sucks cause i called late and one of my trainees was already there.
after my training i skipped my math class to do something i don't quite remember, but i was doing something important. then i had another shift at 1 which turned into something different. as i was doing a work related errand me and my partner for the shift end up kinda shit talking the way our subsection of the deptarments been, and well it was to someone who we later found out to be a narc. so it ends up getting back to our supervisors by like 2-3 hours later. bullshit. frankly she spun what we said way out of preportion so we can definitely cover ourselves up cause she was making shit up.
i ended up stayin on campus rather than headin back home cause i wanted a DD for the yard house. i ended up getting a half yard and another pint. seeing as how i was still recovering from the cold i got pretty wasted.
yesterday thursday
so i wake up early for no reason and be productive. i end up getting really dope grades for both my women's studies midterms. i knew i'd do good on the upper div one, but the lower div class had me worried cause i slack off way too much. for my upper div class got 10/10 on the paper and 23/25 on the oral exam; for the lower div i got 90%. the 90% has me happy cause i did 1 hour studying before that shit, and i thought i totally bombed the essay. i'm sure intro classes love it when you throw some gramsci and random marxist readings. well i am a fucking 5th year =/.
inbetween lectures i end up staying on campus cause it's the kaba meeting and supposedly they were gonna do a talk on people power, i've been pretty upset cause the last time they had any serious political discussion was during the jfav; that's a pretty non controvorsial topic, no critical engagement required what so ever. baucas said: kaba con too if you want to count that; but yea both of us don't really count it.
how did i feel about the meeting? two historical inaccuracies kind of irked me. speaker apparently saw a clip of ninoy being assassinated (didn't say how long ago), of course i saw it too and there is only one clip of that shit. "you just see the door closing, and you hear hundreds of rounds being fired, but they say they were firing at ninoys assassin." it's been 4 years since i saw that clip and its pretty vivid in my mind. an mp brushes him on the back as he gets ninoy up from his seat, ninoy looks disheartened and you see him step out of the plane you hear a SINGLE gunshot, i think there was two or three total. the MP helping ninoy out of his seat brushed his back to feel for a bullet proof vest, an action ninoy recognizes and he realizes he's going to be killed. the MP knows he has a vest on so he aims for his head instead of his body. no need for hundreds of rounds, nor did i hear hundreds of rounds on the clip. other inaccuracy, Marcos initiated Martial Law because of a train bombing. nope there were multiple bombings occuring at the time, the one that initiated martial law was due to a carbombing on the car he was supposed to be in; and this was later found to be initiated by Marcos himself.
i know i'm a history buff and people can't memorize specifics, but you can't go over exaggerated situations, ninoy was killed with a head shot, it wasn't kosovo on that airline strip.
but that aside, i felt that there was too much lecture not enough discussion. i liked that they brought up that marcos did stimulate the economy, it's true; cause there's always two sides to the picture, like the fact that he took that surplus for himself and it's still in an offshores bank rather than the hands of the philippine people. and ninoy was not the end all for philippine politics, nor was corey aquino the savior afterwards; cause she didn't implement land reform and because of that you got situations like the hacienda lucinda massacre down the road. not to mention she had to be an even greater dictator to undue the corruption initially placed by marcos, like that got solved either.
martial law was what facilitated the creation for pil-am orgs in the first place. we can look in hindsight and say: shit martial law was evil. but what many pil-ams don't realize is that during THAT time, our predecessors weren't so necessarily united as well, i'm speaking of the community. even at that time there were folks that were unsure which side of the line to be on, saying: maybe martial law would be good in the philippines. which is alright to an extent cause you don't know. but now in this time WE CAN look in hindsight and say it was evil. yes there was a stimulus of the economy but at what cost? the freedoms and liberties of the philippine people; and where did that money go anyway? in the pockets of the corrupt. this is why i disagree with simply giving information and letting the people decide. those on the other side of the fence decided it was necessary to create an organization, it was necessary to come together.
yes as an individual decisions are ultimately up to the individual; but as an organization a stand must be taken, situations like the state of emergency two years ago we HAVE precedent. even now we're getting evidence of the mass corruption of the philippine government through their political/extra judicial murders. the thing is, kababayan itself was created because a group of people took A STAND. you can't simply wait on things and see if they'll be okay. we live in a country with such grandoise ideals as freedom and liberty and the prusit of the green. notice how money goes last, that means freedom and liberty FIRST. how can there be a situation where the people can't be free and you let that happen? frankly these are ideas that are supposedly across the boarder of the political spectrum, there can't be any half assing of this. and if you disagree with notions of liberty then you're just making whatever group you're with look bad.
however i understand the implications of "alienating" individuals when you take a stand. yes it's important to accept different vantage points, and this does go over that boarder of an organization being for it's membership, but what do we do with that history? do we ignore the fact that the group was created to fight against dictatorship and say: oh we think it's okay now?
i guess i don't understand things because i have too much of an egalitarian mindset. people should be free to do what they want as long as they don't abridge or exploit other people.
the only way i see other people accepting things like dictatorships, labor exploitation, etc is because they want to benefit from it or they themselves want to be dictators. i frankly can't stomach fucking over people just so i can be cushy, i mean i'm selfish too but just not in that way.
and well if you're a jackass, well i'll definitely fuck you up. k time to do my homework.
after my training i skipped my math class to do something i don't quite remember, but i was doing something important. then i had another shift at 1 which turned into something different. as i was doing a work related errand me and my partner for the shift end up kinda shit talking the way our subsection of the deptarments been, and well it was to someone who we later found out to be a narc. so it ends up getting back to our supervisors by like 2-3 hours later. bullshit. frankly she spun what we said way out of preportion so we can definitely cover ourselves up cause she was making shit up.
i ended up stayin on campus rather than headin back home cause i wanted a DD for the yard house. i ended up getting a half yard and another pint. seeing as how i was still recovering from the cold i got pretty wasted.
yesterday thursday
so i wake up early for no reason and be productive. i end up getting really dope grades for both my women's studies midterms. i knew i'd do good on the upper div one, but the lower div class had me worried cause i slack off way too much. for my upper div class got 10/10 on the paper and 23/25 on the oral exam; for the lower div i got 90%. the 90% has me happy cause i did 1 hour studying before that shit, and i thought i totally bombed the essay. i'm sure intro classes love it when you throw some gramsci and random marxist readings. well i am a fucking 5th year =/.
inbetween lectures i end up staying on campus cause it's the kaba meeting and supposedly they were gonna do a talk on people power, i've been pretty upset cause the last time they had any serious political discussion was during the jfav; that's a pretty non controvorsial topic, no critical engagement required what so ever. baucas said: kaba con too if you want to count that; but yea both of us don't really count it.
how did i feel about the meeting? two historical inaccuracies kind of irked me. speaker apparently saw a clip of ninoy being assassinated (didn't say how long ago), of course i saw it too and there is only one clip of that shit. "you just see the door closing, and you hear hundreds of rounds being fired, but they say they were firing at ninoys assassin." it's been 4 years since i saw that clip and its pretty vivid in my mind. an mp brushes him on the back as he gets ninoy up from his seat, ninoy looks disheartened and you see him step out of the plane you hear a SINGLE gunshot, i think there was two or three total. the MP helping ninoy out of his seat brushed his back to feel for a bullet proof vest, an action ninoy recognizes and he realizes he's going to be killed. the MP knows he has a vest on so he aims for his head instead of his body. no need for hundreds of rounds, nor did i hear hundreds of rounds on the clip. other inaccuracy, Marcos initiated Martial Law because of a train bombing. nope there were multiple bombings occuring at the time, the one that initiated martial law was due to a carbombing on the car he was supposed to be in; and this was later found to be initiated by Marcos himself.
i know i'm a history buff and people can't memorize specifics, but you can't go over exaggerated situations, ninoy was killed with a head shot, it wasn't kosovo on that airline strip.
but that aside, i felt that there was too much lecture not enough discussion. i liked that they brought up that marcos did stimulate the economy, it's true; cause there's always two sides to the picture, like the fact that he took that surplus for himself and it's still in an offshores bank rather than the hands of the philippine people. and ninoy was not the end all for philippine politics, nor was corey aquino the savior afterwards; cause she didn't implement land reform and because of that you got situations like the hacienda lucinda massacre down the road. not to mention she had to be an even greater dictator to undue the corruption initially placed by marcos, like that got solved either.
martial law was what facilitated the creation for pil-am orgs in the first place. we can look in hindsight and say: shit martial law was evil. but what many pil-ams don't realize is that during THAT time, our predecessors weren't so necessarily united as well, i'm speaking of the community. even at that time there were folks that were unsure which side of the line to be on, saying: maybe martial law would be good in the philippines. which is alright to an extent cause you don't know. but now in this time WE CAN look in hindsight and say it was evil. yes there was a stimulus of the economy but at what cost? the freedoms and liberties of the philippine people; and where did that money go anyway? in the pockets of the corrupt. this is why i disagree with simply giving information and letting the people decide. those on the other side of the fence decided it was necessary to create an organization, it was necessary to come together.
yes as an individual decisions are ultimately up to the individual; but as an organization a stand must be taken, situations like the state of emergency two years ago we HAVE precedent. even now we're getting evidence of the mass corruption of the philippine government through their political/extra judicial murders. the thing is, kababayan itself was created because a group of people took A STAND. you can't simply wait on things and see if they'll be okay. we live in a country with such grandoise ideals as freedom and liberty and the prusit of the green. notice how money goes last, that means freedom and liberty FIRST. how can there be a situation where the people can't be free and you let that happen? frankly these are ideas that are supposedly across the boarder of the political spectrum, there can't be any half assing of this. and if you disagree with notions of liberty then you're just making whatever group you're with look bad.
however i understand the implications of "alienating" individuals when you take a stand. yes it's important to accept different vantage points, and this does go over that boarder of an organization being for it's membership, but what do we do with that history? do we ignore the fact that the group was created to fight against dictatorship and say: oh we think it's okay now?
i guess i don't understand things because i have too much of an egalitarian mindset. people should be free to do what they want as long as they don't abridge or exploit other people.
the only way i see other people accepting things like dictatorships, labor exploitation, etc is because they want to benefit from it or they themselves want to be dictators. i frankly can't stomach fucking over people just so i can be cushy, i mean i'm selfish too but just not in that way.
and well if you're a jackass, well i'll definitely fuck you up. k time to do my homework.
yea the week has been busy
so yea i saw next week's episode of The Wire due to HBO On Demand. biggest thing that happened, my favorite character from the show, Omar Little, just got killed off. I really liked him cause he was a exceptional character to the crime show drama formula, a black, gay, male that made his living as a stick-up boy robbing drug dealers. in the streets he was a legend and everyone knew not to fuck with him. the dealers hated him for two reasons: he robbed them and he was gay. on the end of law enforcement there were two perspectives, that he was tolerated because he had a code of only robing the dealers and he never harmed ordinary "citizens;" the other perspective was that kids in a way glorified him.
i've been getting the feeling as the season progressed that he was gonna die. the manner in which he died was surprising too. he was killed by a young teen (prolly like 12 or 13) that was seen two seasons earlier arguing with other kids that he "wanted to play omar" when they were re-enacting a gun fight they saw of him. he was brought out of retirement cause a rising dealer wanted to get him, so that dealer (marlo) ordered the death of his mentor, this blind bartender. omar got word from his crib in the carribean and started hunting down marlo's soldiers. during one failed attempt he ended up jumping off a four story window, he survived but his leg was fucked up. still he was hunting them down even though he had a serious limp and got a few of marlo's men. one of marlo's dealers was that kid; and seeing omar limping really underwelmed him, so he tailed omar into this korean groccery store. so the director has it in the shop lady's perspective looking at omar (i hella got the feelin something was gonna happen), omar turns to the side (looking at the kid enter the store out of camera) he doesn't think anything of the kid and looks to the shop lady and then you see him take a bullet to the backside of his head.
part of what i loved about the wire was the writers decision to kill off main characters, apparently he stated in an interview "we're not trying to sell hope." that's kind of why i felt they were gonna kill him off, omar was such an exceptional character, how was he gonna kill all of marlo's muscle and then marlo and just walk off into the sunset. that's not reality.
i read a spoiler that probably the central character is going to commit suicide. this strikes me as possible for a couple reasons. first, also On Demand, they showed three short prequels to The Wire. One was on kingpin Proposition Joe as a kid, the other on Omar as a kid, and then the last was McNulty (main character) on his first day on Homicide. Prop Joe was killed 3rd episode in, Omar just died, leaving McNulty. other reason is that he is stirring up a lot of shit, and while he did the same the first season, keepin in mind what the director said, if his plan completely works to a T how is that realistic. if he gets caught, which he most likely will, they WILL fire him; and it's been made clear throughout the series all he has is his job as a cop.
so this is the spark that starts my insomnia. i dunno why, even though it's fake seeing characters i like in film or movies really gets to me (which says a lot about how i was able to pass out after watching cloverfield hahah)
i've been getting the feeling as the season progressed that he was gonna die. the manner in which he died was surprising too. he was killed by a young teen (prolly like 12 or 13) that was seen two seasons earlier arguing with other kids that he "wanted to play omar" when they were re-enacting a gun fight they saw of him. he was brought out of retirement cause a rising dealer wanted to get him, so that dealer (marlo) ordered the death of his mentor, this blind bartender. omar got word from his crib in the carribean and started hunting down marlo's soldiers. during one failed attempt he ended up jumping off a four story window, he survived but his leg was fucked up. still he was hunting them down even though he had a serious limp and got a few of marlo's men. one of marlo's dealers was that kid; and seeing omar limping really underwelmed him, so he tailed omar into this korean groccery store. so the director has it in the shop lady's perspective looking at omar (i hella got the feelin something was gonna happen), omar turns to the side (looking at the kid enter the store out of camera) he doesn't think anything of the kid and looks to the shop lady and then you see him take a bullet to the backside of his head.
part of what i loved about the wire was the writers decision to kill off main characters, apparently he stated in an interview "we're not trying to sell hope." that's kind of why i felt they were gonna kill him off, omar was such an exceptional character, how was he gonna kill all of marlo's muscle and then marlo and just walk off into the sunset. that's not reality.
i read a spoiler that probably the central character is going to commit suicide. this strikes me as possible for a couple reasons. first, also On Demand, they showed three short prequels to The Wire. One was on kingpin Proposition Joe as a kid, the other on Omar as a kid, and then the last was McNulty (main character) on his first day on Homicide. Prop Joe was killed 3rd episode in, Omar just died, leaving McNulty. other reason is that he is stirring up a lot of shit, and while he did the same the first season, keepin in mind what the director said, if his plan completely works to a T how is that realistic. if he gets caught, which he most likely will, they WILL fire him; and it's been made clear throughout the series all he has is his job as a cop.
so this is the spark that starts my insomnia. i dunno why, even though it's fake seeing characters i like in film or movies really gets to me (which says a lot about how i was able to pass out after watching cloverfield hahah)
Monday, February 18, 2008
busy weekend indeed
ramen
the mitsuwa market places are undergoing their gormet food fair, and part of it comes the legendary ramen fair! not necessarily a fair, it's more like some ramen shops from japan were asked to stop by various mitsuwas in the area. the SD location is lucky cause they're the only one were all the shops are actually visiting.
the one visiting this week was chibaki-ya. it was really awesome, they seem to be known for their half eggs and man did they deliver. they slightly boil their eggs so it's still gooey in the center. in addition, they left in the chunks of pork fat which not only add the flavor but the thin layer of melted fat keeps the soup very well insulated.
the next shop to hit town will be sumire, which i haven't really looked into. asameshi maeda honto, which was in costa mesa this week, well be in sd at the end of the month and i'll be back down in san diego for sure.
good lord i thought i wiped the post so far
psp
i found that i was able to put backups of my import games onto my memory stick. so it's still in japanese but that's fine i've played maybe 3 or 4 rpgs completely in japanese through the use of walkthroughs so it's nothing too bad. well looks like imma go flash my sister's psp so i'll be back some other time
the mitsuwa market places are undergoing their gormet food fair, and part of it comes the legendary ramen fair! not necessarily a fair, it's more like some ramen shops from japan were asked to stop by various mitsuwas in the area. the SD location is lucky cause they're the only one were all the shops are actually visiting.
the one visiting this week was chibaki-ya. it was really awesome, they seem to be known for their half eggs and man did they deliver. they slightly boil their eggs so it's still gooey in the center. in addition, they left in the chunks of pork fat which not only add the flavor but the thin layer of melted fat keeps the soup very well insulated.
the next shop to hit town will be sumire, which i haven't really looked into. asameshi maeda honto, which was in costa mesa this week, well be in sd at the end of the month and i'll be back down in san diego for sure.
good lord i thought i wiped the post so far
psp
i found that i was able to put backups of my import games onto my memory stick. so it's still in japanese but that's fine i've played maybe 3 or 4 rpgs completely in japanese through the use of walkthroughs so it's nothing too bad. well looks like imma go flash my sister's psp so i'll be back some other time
Friday, February 15, 2008
3/03/07
i'm writing random music effigies
whether not i think less of me
constantly riding rhythm and rollin on the winds for free
placin patterns producin thoughts i thought i lost
tearin your rhymes to use as floss
between my teeth
i clean it neat
and now my smile's so fresh clean
whether not i think less of me
constantly riding rhythm and rollin on the winds for free
placin patterns producin thoughts i thought i lost
tearin your rhymes to use as floss
between my teeth
i clean it neat
and now my smile's so fresh clean
UNDOCUMENTED, not illegal, immigrants
the largest misconception on immigration is that people who are here without documents do it as a disregard to US laws. the fact is that not only is immigration a difficult and long process, not everyone is able to immigrate "legally." thousands of people are turned away from the whole process because honestly, you won't get papers to become a resident unless you are at or above US middle class standards. the only other way is to claim to be a political refugee; seeing as how many 3rd world countries are deemed "free" countries because they allow for sweatshops and worker exploitation how many people can fit under that? look to the 1965 Immigration and Nationality Act for who is allowed to come here and who isn't. it is highly hypocritical for a country to claim to be about Freedom and democracy yet turn people away from citizenship.
foreign worker programs are also cop outs as well, the message that sends is "we want your labor, but we don't want you to become citizens."
the thing about the new immigration bill is that it leaves many situations for family separation. there are families with undocumented parents whose children are legal citizens; the parents are deported and the children are left to be raised by foster homes? or a citizen who married someone who was a legal resident for a while but stopped with their paper work and didn't tell their spouse. not only is the person deported, but the citizen is deported as well for housing an "illegal" immigrant (doesn't matter if they knew or not.)
also the immigration issue has been painted as a mexican issue. yet pilipinos have their "tnt"s, there are chinese immigrants, koreans, south east asians, not to mention eastern europeans, as well as the fact that the people coming from mexico are not just mexicans but people from all over latin america. after 9-11 many filipinos who had worked in the airports for over decades in the bay area were deported because they posed a "threat" to national security, many of these workers were 40+ year old women (yeah terrorist if i ever saw one). there are also the situation of the Aganda family in 2003, as well as the Cuevas family that was deported in 2004 who were "illegal" cause they were living on expired visas yet they've been applying for residency since 1996. frankly, there's a bunch of "natural born" people we waste our citizenship on, folks that don't know jack shit about this country yet wave flags and pander on and on about being "American." i'd rather deport them and give their citizenship to all the hard working "illegal" aliens at the drop of a dime.
however, the biggest root of the problem is American/corporate Imperialism across the globe. if not for worker exploitation, the stealing of resources from other countries, etc; there would be no "3rd" world nations meaning there wouldn't be so many people from other places seeking to find opportunity in the US. there would be no "brain drains," no sex industries, no broken families with parents working overseas. people would be able to make decent livings in their own countries. the only illegal immigration are corporations and nations muscling their way into the other countries to exploit both the land and their people.
foreign worker programs are also cop outs as well, the message that sends is "we want your labor, but we don't want you to become citizens."
the thing about the new immigration bill is that it leaves many situations for family separation. there are families with undocumented parents whose children are legal citizens; the parents are deported and the children are left to be raised by foster homes? or a citizen who married someone who was a legal resident for a while but stopped with their paper work and didn't tell their spouse. not only is the person deported, but the citizen is deported as well for housing an "illegal" immigrant (doesn't matter if they knew or not.)
also the immigration issue has been painted as a mexican issue. yet pilipinos have their "tnt"s, there are chinese immigrants, koreans, south east asians, not to mention eastern europeans, as well as the fact that the people coming from mexico are not just mexicans but people from all over latin america. after 9-11 many filipinos who had worked in the airports for over decades in the bay area were deported because they posed a "threat" to national security, many of these workers were 40+ year old women (yeah terrorist if i ever saw one). there are also the situation of the Aganda family in 2003, as well as the Cuevas family that was deported in 2004 who were "illegal" cause they were living on expired visas yet they've been applying for residency since 1996. frankly, there's a bunch of "natural born" people we waste our citizenship on, folks that don't know jack shit about this country yet wave flags and pander on and on about being "American." i'd rather deport them and give their citizenship to all the hard working "illegal" aliens at the drop of a dime.
however, the biggest root of the problem is American/corporate Imperialism across the globe. if not for worker exploitation, the stealing of resources from other countries, etc; there would be no "3rd" world nations meaning there wouldn't be so many people from other places seeking to find opportunity in the US. there would be no "brain drains," no sex industries, no broken families with parents working overseas. people would be able to make decent livings in their own countries. the only illegal immigration are corporations and nations muscling their way into the other countries to exploit both the land and their people.
my first writing journal
junior year i started to keep a physical journal. i kept this practice up for three years. in it i would right random jibberish thinking finding my voice would finish. the first piece i wrote was about the ambercrombie and finch shirts. it was pretty shitty, no nothing "pretty" about it, it was really shitty in hindsight. but that's alright.
i would write poetry to a lover i've only met in my dreams. however in actuality, these were merely re-written songs of emotions based upon relationships i've managed to destroy myself. but that's alright.
my background in writing began as an
i would write poetry to a lover i've only met in my dreams. however in actuality, these were merely re-written songs of emotions based upon relationships i've managed to destroy myself. but that's alright.
my background in writing began as an
3/22/06
"I have paraded as a poet for years now. In the process of parading I may have actually become one, but that's another story, another book."
time remains the flame
to which i explain
how the wind and rain became
the waves of eternity's brain
co-dead language reads what i see
reverbs burn and turn concerned
of vernaculars manslaughter
mans daughter taught her
how to read smiles in similes
and mysteries of light
your wind beneath my wings
propels other things such as kites
why is it we call the sun bright?
moon beams sing
reflected off tear drops of amethyst rocks
cocked glock propels vocal artilery
shot at me for merely speaking of eternity
how long til we reach infinity?
with each minute we come closer to one
time remains the flame
to which i explain
how the wind and rain became
the waves of eternity's brain
co-dead language reads what i see
reverbs burn and turn concerned
of vernaculars manslaughter
mans daughter taught her
how to read smiles in similes
and mysteries of light
your wind beneath my wings
propels other things such as kites
why is it we call the sun bright?
moon beams sing
reflected off tear drops of amethyst rocks
cocked glock propels vocal artilery
shot at me for merely speaking of eternity
how long til we reach infinity?
with each minute we come closer to one
Scattered Moments of Memories Past (complete 3/02/06)
I find myself locked in a dream upon scattered moments of memories past
But the thing is…they’re not my memories
Voices, people, places I’ve never been to
Other worlds, ways of thought
Waves of sound, colors never before seen
The other side of the mirror
The day mare to the night dream
It all seems so ridiculously curious
So where am i?
I wake up sprawled across a bamboo mattress
As I step off the bed a pain stems from
My heel as I feel the grains of sand between my toes
I know that this pain, is from a rock
As I remove the sharp pebble the blood drips onto
The fresh soil that my family has tiled for generations
And yet that land, is not our own
As I look at my blistered worn hand I realize that I am six
I am six
And already I’ve give up the hopes of school to help till the earth till I’m now
But these thoughts are superceded by another pain
It’s been seven days and we’ve eaten no more than three meals
Dad explains that even after all the work we do harvesting the sugar cane
After the company deducts from his paycheck that’s all that’s left
In a country where 10% of the people own 90% of the land
It seems there’s little that demands can do to change what the dealer calls our hand
But our parents say the future is ours to do
And they look into our eyes and say: we’ll change the stars for you
I am seven
It’s been a year since mom and dad started to help organize the other workers
But they’re more than just others, we’re like family now
And when one of my aunties or uncles gets killed
A chill runs down my spine
And there’s little I can do to stop from crying
This state of emergency has me worrying whether or not they’ll come home tonite
As me and my sisters weave baskets to sell on the streets
We hear a knock on the door
And we know the worst is yet to come
And they’ve come to take mom and dad away
But he argues they’ll be no one to take care of the children
So they try to grab mom but he lunges at them
And someone starts shooting
DON’T SHOOT THE CHILDREN she says DON’T SHOOT THE CHILDREN she says
But they start shooting at us
One by one, two by two, three by three, four by four, five by five, six by six,
And they turn to me: seven by seven
Bayan bayan ko hindi pa tapos ang laban mo
My people my people the struggle ain’t over
Bayan bayan ko hindi pa tapos ang labon mo
My people my people the struggle ain’t over
My eyes open and I’m in the middle of a crowded street
I hear chants and screams as banners wave among clear blue skies that are streaked
As smoke from tear gas canisters rise
With the hopes of enveloping our lungs and burning our eyes
We are surrounded by police and military in riot gear
Cutting through this urban concrete jungle with water hoses
As if bolo knives and we are the vines and booby-trapped mines protecting our freedom from those who dare steal it
And while I’m afraid there’s not time to feel it
MAKIBAKA HUWAG MATAKOT
And as we stand tall the heavens shook
I looked on fists rise in solidarity
And the batons swung like pendulums strung on clockwork oranges
As the police begin the riot all of a sudden I fall down
And it starts to get quiet
As the blood flows from my head to my cheeks I see it start to spill onto the streets
Bayan Bayan ko hindi pa tapos ang laban mo
My people…my people
The sun creeps through the blinds and I open my eyes
And behold the most beautiful woman in the world
Her long disheveled hair bears platinum streaks
As her sun worn cheeks speak of the 32 years we’ve spent together
Time’s magic marked her
But as I look at her closed eyes I’m reminded of her
Kneeling alongside the nuns praying the rosary
Amidst the roaring sounds of tanks and a million people
As she opened her eyes and looked at me
I saw a truth so deep I could not bear it’s weight
We knew each other for ten years but it was only then that I knew I loved her
She was spiritual she would lend her hand to those in need
And was quick to speak out against injustice and greed
Yes time’s magic marked her, yet her eyes always shown that fire within
And with that thought I begin to cook breakfast for us
I crack some eggs and I hear some glass shatter above in our room
And as I run I see my love and I see her wound
And I run to her and grab her
As I feel her life drip through my hands
I feel a quick sudden heat at my temple
So where am I
Finally a familiar scene that I seem to recognize as my own
But as I look at my reflection once again I can’t recognize my face
And so I continue to race through these dreams
These scenes
These memories I’ve seen
All thses beings
Just trying to retrace back to where I’ve been
And I’m lost
But the thing is…they’re not my memories
Voices, people, places I’ve never been to
Other worlds, ways of thought
Waves of sound, colors never before seen
The other side of the mirror
The day mare to the night dream
It all seems so ridiculously curious
So where am i?
I wake up sprawled across a bamboo mattress
As I step off the bed a pain stems from
My heel as I feel the grains of sand between my toes
I know that this pain, is from a rock
As I remove the sharp pebble the blood drips onto
The fresh soil that my family has tiled for generations
And yet that land, is not our own
As I look at my blistered worn hand I realize that I am six
I am six
And already I’ve give up the hopes of school to help till the earth till I’m now
But these thoughts are superceded by another pain
It’s been seven days and we’ve eaten no more than three meals
Dad explains that even after all the work we do harvesting the sugar cane
After the company deducts from his paycheck that’s all that’s left
In a country where 10% of the people own 90% of the land
It seems there’s little that demands can do to change what the dealer calls our hand
But our parents say the future is ours to do
And they look into our eyes and say: we’ll change the stars for you
I am seven
It’s been a year since mom and dad started to help organize the other workers
But they’re more than just others, we’re like family now
And when one of my aunties or uncles gets killed
A chill runs down my spine
And there’s little I can do to stop from crying
This state of emergency has me worrying whether or not they’ll come home tonite
As me and my sisters weave baskets to sell on the streets
We hear a knock on the door
And we know the worst is yet to come
And they’ve come to take mom and dad away
But he argues they’ll be no one to take care of the children
So they try to grab mom but he lunges at them
And someone starts shooting
DON’T SHOOT THE CHILDREN she says DON’T SHOOT THE CHILDREN she says
But they start shooting at us
One by one, two by two, three by three, four by four, five by five, six by six,
And they turn to me: seven by seven
Bayan bayan ko hindi pa tapos ang laban mo
My people my people the struggle ain’t over
Bayan bayan ko hindi pa tapos ang labon mo
My people my people the struggle ain’t over
My eyes open and I’m in the middle of a crowded street
I hear chants and screams as banners wave among clear blue skies that are streaked
As smoke from tear gas canisters rise
With the hopes of enveloping our lungs and burning our eyes
We are surrounded by police and military in riot gear
Cutting through this urban concrete jungle with water hoses
As if bolo knives and we are the vines and booby-trapped mines protecting our freedom from those who dare steal it
And while I’m afraid there’s not time to feel it
MAKIBAKA HUWAG MATAKOT
And as we stand tall the heavens shook
I looked on fists rise in solidarity
And the batons swung like pendulums strung on clockwork oranges
As the police begin the riot all of a sudden I fall down
And it starts to get quiet
As the blood flows from my head to my cheeks I see it start to spill onto the streets
Bayan Bayan ko hindi pa tapos ang laban mo
My people…my people
The sun creeps through the blinds and I open my eyes
And behold the most beautiful woman in the world
Her long disheveled hair bears platinum streaks
As her sun worn cheeks speak of the 32 years we’ve spent together
Time’s magic marked her
But as I look at her closed eyes I’m reminded of her
Kneeling alongside the nuns praying the rosary
Amidst the roaring sounds of tanks and a million people
As she opened her eyes and looked at me
I saw a truth so deep I could not bear it’s weight
We knew each other for ten years but it was only then that I knew I loved her
She was spiritual she would lend her hand to those in need
And was quick to speak out against injustice and greed
Yes time’s magic marked her, yet her eyes always shown that fire within
And with that thought I begin to cook breakfast for us
I crack some eggs and I hear some glass shatter above in our room
And as I run I see my love and I see her wound
And I run to her and grab her
As I feel her life drip through my hands
I feel a quick sudden heat at my temple
So where am I
Finally a familiar scene that I seem to recognize as my own
But as I look at my reflection once again I can’t recognize my face
And so I continue to race through these dreams
These scenes
These memories I’ve seen
All thses beings
Just trying to retrace back to where I’ve been
And I’m lost
KRS-One Lecture
three things i wanna take back from the lecture
-Hip Hop begins with the courage to be one's self
-You are only composed of the stories about you that you believe to be true
-You at 15 depended on you at 10, your future self at 40 depends on how you are now, so live today for your future self
2/22/06
-Hip Hop begins with the courage to be one's self
-You are only composed of the stories about you that you believe to be true
-You at 15 depended on you at 10, your future self at 40 depends on how you are now, so live today for your future self
2/22/06
Ain't no such thing as "poplockin"
Ain't no such thing as "poplockin"
very difficult to explain this to other people, found a pretty good article that does the job...G-boogie, the boogiewalker
Locking and Popping: a brief history (sorry for any historical errors)
Locking is a dance that was originated by a man named Don Campbell in LA during the early 70's. Don was an art student at Trade Tech college in LA; every day, he and his buddies would get together in the cafeteria for lunch. There would always be a bunch of people dancing to soul music around a juke box in the cafeteria. Don used to sit there and just draw the dancers, but then he started to learn some of the soul steps. However, Don had a more "jerky" style of dancing and he wasn't particularly smooth. He would often pause between moves to think of what he would do next.
One day, he paused in a certain position while trying to do the funky chicken. Pretty soon, every time he would try to do the funky chicken, he would end up in the same pause. Pretty soon, Don's buddies would cheer him on, saying, "yo, Don! Do that funky lock you do, man!" As Don got better and better, the "lock" became his signature move. Pretty soon, he became known around school as "Don Campbellock". He began developing his own style and it was radically different than the smooth soul steps, but it still incorporated elements of many of them.
His dance became highly improvisational. He would play with anything he had at hand and do tricks with it while dancing (e.g. his hat, a handkerchief, a cane, etc.). But he would always end up in his signature lock pose. He would also twirl his wrist up towards his head (these later became known as "wrist rolls"). One day, he was dancing and saw a friend in the crowd around him. He pointed at the friend. Then he pointed at another friend. Soon, the point (also known as the "Uncle Sam") became another part of the idiom of Don's dance.
After a while, Don was regularly winning dance competetions at many of the black nightclubs in LA, most famously, the Crenshaw Flats Club. It was here that Don met Fred "Mr. Penguin" Barry, later known as "Rerun" on the 70's sitcom, "What's Happenin'?". Don taught Fred how to do his dance. Soon, they were a team, doing highly improvisational and acrobatic forms of dance at these clubs. Don soon met a group of other dancers and formed his first group, "the Campbellock Dancers". The members of the original Campbellock Dancers included: Don "Campbellock" Campbell, Greg "Campbellock Jr." Pope, James "the Original Skeeter Rabbit" Higgins, Leo "Fluky Luke" Williamson, Adolfo "Shabba-Doo" Quiñones (O-zone from the Golan-Globus movies, "Breakin'" and "Breakin' 2: The Electric Boogaloo"), Toni "Ruby" Basil (world-reknowned choreographer; known for her hit 80's single, "Mickey"), Charles "Slim the Robot" Williams and Fred "Mr. Penguin" Barry (Rerun from "What's Happenin'?").
A short while later, they were contacted to perform on Soul Train. Their exposure on nation-wide television created a dance craze. Before the Lockers, almost all dances had been regional: what was done in NYC stayed in NYC and its surrounding areas; what was done in Chicago stayed in Chicago and its outlying suburbs. But now, Locking exploded in major black urban populations across the country. The "Campbellock Dancers" also had a new named coined for them by Network Television producers (who found "the Campbellock Dancers" to be too clumsy to pronounce on-air): they simply became, "the Lockers". They appeared on the Tonight Show with Johnny Carson, The Carrol Burnette show, Soul Train, Saturday Night Live, 90-Minutes Live on CBS, a couple of episodes of "What's Happenin'?" and even had their own NBC Saturday morning Cartoon Special.
By the mid-70's, the Lockers were having some trouble maintaining their media exposure. Locking had started to get "played-out": it was "old hat". But Don revamped the Lockers and they appeared again in the late 70's. But they were eclipsed now by another West Coast dance style which involved illusional movements and waves and muscular "pops".
In the mid 70's, Sam Solomon was a teenager growing up in Northern California near Sacramento. One day, while he was dancing around his house to some music on the radio, his uncle said to him, "yeah boy! Do that boogaloo!" Sam replied, "what's a "boogaloo"?" His uncle told him: "it means you're gettin' down!" Sam's style involved large rolling hip movements and jerky stops. He would take inspiration from different motions, even developing one floor move while immitating the stiff walk of a senior citizen (this move is now known as the "old man").
Sam became one of the founders of the "Electric Booalaoo Lockers", a group inspired by the Lockers and their dance style. But soon Sam started winning dance competitions by simply doing an "old man" across the floor! While in Long Beach, CA in 1977, Sam taught his style to his cousin, Pete. Pete added muscular pops on the beat with his arms and his chest. He became known as "Poppin' Pete". Soon, the Electric Boogaloos were no longer doing the Locking style. They called their style "Boogaloo" and dropped the "Lockers" appendage from their group's name. They still exist as the "Electric Boogaloos" (check out their website: electricboogaloos.co . . .). Their current members include mostly OG's, including "Boogaloo Sam" Solomon, "Poppin' Pete" Solomon, "Suga Pop", "Skeeter Rabbit" (NOT James Higgins of the Campbellock Dancers) and, from New York City, one of the OG members of the Rocksteady Crew, "Mr. Wiggles".
Anyway, that's a basic overview of Locking and Popping's related history. Collectively, the two styles are known as "West Coast" styles (as compared to B-boying/Breaking/Uprocking, which are East Coast/NYC-based in their origins) or "Funk Styles", since both "Popping" and "Locking" were originally done to live funk music in the 1970's.
As a final note: "Popping" is a much broader stylistic umbrella term than is "Locking". "Popping" can mean many different smaller, incorporated styles: waving, tutting, popping/hitting, ticking, strobing, dime stoping, strutting, fillmore (named for an area in SF where this style oringated), "sac"-ing (named for Sacramento, CA, where this style came from), boogaloo, electric boogie (east coast variation), animating, gliding, abstract/liquid, Cobra-style, etc.--sorry if I've left any out; there's ALOT of styles!)
Ok, well I hope this helps!
peas,
G-boogie, the boogiewalker
2/25/06 KIWI statement on Crisis in the Philippines
As some of you probably know by now, a "State of Emergency" was declared in the Philippines by President Gloria Magcapagal-Arroyo. This declaration includes the ban of rallies (including peaceful protests), allows arrests without warrant, and it gives the president permission to call in the military to intervene and take over facilities — such as media outlets — that may affect "national security." Though stopping short of calling it "martial law," it gives the President similar powers, and essentially could be a pre-cursor to an eventual declaration of martial law.
from wikipedia.org:
"Martial law is the system of rules that takes effect (usually after a formal declaration) when a military authority takes control of the normal administration of justice. Usually martial law reduces some of the personal rights ordinarily granted to the citizen, limits the length of the trial processes, and prescribes more severe penalties than ordinary law. "
Though she claims that everyone from the extreme left to the extreme right are conspiring to bring down her government, the bottom line is that the people who will be affected most by this are the poor and suffering masses, the workers and peasants, the indigenous people and the urban poor, who have been struggling for TRUE equality and reform since waaaaay before she even took office.
It is no secret that the Philippines has been in a crisis situation for a long time now. Most of the nation lives in poverty. Peasants don't even own the land they work on. Workers are exploited by multi-national corporations looking for cheap and 'union-free' labor. School tuition fees increase regularly. It's gotten so bad that the Philippines' main export is PEOPLE! Overseas contract workers who end up in places like Singapore and Saudi Arabia working all kinds of jobs, often getting exploited and abused by their bosses. And so on...
And even though we live thousands of miles away in the U.S, we are still deeply impacted by what's going on back home. The fact that huge numbers of Filipinos, our own families included, have had to leave their homeland to seek a better life elsewhere, to me, is telling enough. But no matter how many Filipinos here live the first world life, we'll never be TRULY free. Our identity, culture, and spirit has been tainted because of colonialism and displacement. And no matter how much money Filipinos send back home, the Philippines will still be in a state of crisis as long as other countries (see: the U.S) continue to influence the politics and economy, as long as 10% of the rich elite own 90% of the land, wealth, and resources, and as long as people like President Arroyo continue to use political bureaucracy to put more money in their pockets and the pockets of the Philippine elite.
As Filipinos overseas in the U.S, we have a crucial role to raise awareness about the impact that this has on our community. The movement for social change and national democracy in the Philippines is strong and resilient, and we need to mirror that voice over here in the states. We need to let the world know that we exist, that we know what's up with our folks both here and back home, and that we are willing to do whatever it takes to create a genuine democracy, REAL justice and equality in OUR homeland. Right here. Right NOW.
As you may know, I'm with a hip hop group called Native Guns, which is funny because, I'm not very gun-literate at all. All I know about is the guns people talk about in rap songs, or in the movies. But there is this particular bullet I've heard about called the 'hollow point.' When entering one's body, a hollow point bullet doesn't just fly out the other side, but is designed instead to explode inside the body, causing significant damage to one's insides.
Now in the Philippines, they have this saying for Filipinos in the U.S fighting for social change. They call us the "bullet in the belly of the beast." And today, more than ever, we have to be that bullet, that hollow point, exploding inside this belly of the beast, bringing this imperialist monster down, and tattooing our voice in the pages of history. Forever.
I normally don't put out statements like this, but I felt compelled to put away my 'artist' hat for a second and make a personal plea to my folks, filipinos and filipino allies, to my family and friends who don't even normally head out to rallies or community events, to anyone who feels like a more just world exists out there, please come out. Learn about what's going on back home and why those conditions exist. And let's come together to fight for our community, for our people, and ultimately for oppressed and exploited peoples all over the world.
Serve the People
Kiwi
2/27/06 Alyansa ng mga Kababayan at UCI Condemns Human Rights Violations and De Facto Martial Law in the Philippines
Alyansa ng mga Kababayan at UCI Condemns Human Rights Violations and De Facto Martial Law in the Philippines
On February 24, 2006, the eve of the twentieth anniversary of the first EDSA Revolution that ended Martial Law under the Marcos regime, “elected” President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo issued Proclamation 1017, declaring a “State of Emergency” in the Philippines. This “State of Emergency” grants her multiple powers such as arrests without warrants and extension of detention without charge, the ability to raid and seize media productions, the suspension of public assembly, and other such powers which can be compared to a “De Facto” state of Martial Law.
The catalyst, according to President Arroyo, for this “State of Emergency” was the disruption of a potential military coup d’etat and an alleged “conspiracy” by political factions on the extreme left and right. However, the facts are that prior to the enactment of Proclamation 1017, the Arroyo administration had long been losing public favor amid national policies that placed the interests of multinational corporations and foreign nations above her own country, coupled with reports by multiple NGOs of human rights violations initiated by her government, as well as the admission of guilt in organizing voter fraud in the last Presidential election that placed her in the very office she currently occupies. Not only has her political opposition shown dissatisfaction in her policies, even former supporters and members of her administration have asked for her resignation.
Congresswoman Liza Maza, who is now facing arrest, states, “Malacanang (The Philippine equivalent of the White House) is bent on muzzling its critics, the opposition, and those who are espousing reforms.” Ultimately, this executive order amounts to a last ditch effort to hold on to power amidst a military, government, and nation that no longer wishes to see her in office.
Although we live thousands of miles away, the same blood that runs through our veins runs through the 7,000 islands back in the Philippines. It is our duty to exercise the liberties and freedoms that have wrongfully been stolen from Pilipina/os. By condemning the actions of Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo and opposing the human rights violations and the current state of de facto martial law, we stand in solidarity with the people of the Philippines and the struggles that they face and will face in the near future.
Alyansa ng mga Kababayan demands an immediate end of the “State of Emergency” on the Philippines; politically meaning the end of Proclamation 1017, resulting in the immediate release of all unwarranted political prisoners, the return of resources, materials and freedom of speech to all media organizations as well as the restoration of civil liberties and rights to all the citizens of the Philippines.
In Solidarity,
Alyansa ng mga Kababayan at the University of California, Irvine
FUSION – Filipinos Unifying Student-Engineers In an Organized Network at UCI
Kababayan at UCI
PASS – Pilipino Americans in Social Studies at UCI
PUSO – Pilipino Pre-Health Undergraduate Student Organization at UCI
TAPS Kollektive – Tagalog And Pilipina/o Studies at UCI
-------------
2/21/06 (scattered moments of memories past)
i find myself locked in a dream upon scattered moments of memories past
but the thing is...they're not my memories
voices, people, places i've never been to
other worlds, ways of thought
waves of sound, colors never before seen
the other side of the mirror
the day mare to the night dream
it all seems so ridiculously curious
so where am i?
finally a familiar scene that i seem to recognize as my own
but as i look at my reflection i can't recognize my face
and so i continue to race through these dreams
these scenes
these memories i've seen
all these beings
trying to retrace back to where i've been
but the thing is...they're not my memories
voices, people, places i've never been to
other worlds, ways of thought
waves of sound, colors never before seen
the other side of the mirror
the day mare to the night dream
it all seems so ridiculously curious
so where am i?
finally a familiar scene that i seem to recognize as my own
but as i look at my reflection i can't recognize my face
and so i continue to race through these dreams
these scenes
these memories i've seen
all these beings
trying to retrace back to where i've been
RIP Pete Navarro
Unsent Letter
Two days before my birthday one of the kids i grew up with in honolulu passed away due to a gun accident. What the hell could I say to my auntie? What words would could match up to having her son back, let alone do his life any justice? I feel so selfish and greedy, cause at the moment, all i can actually think about is myself. Her only request was for me to write to his elder brother, who is my age, who was in Iraq. Even that I couldn't do. I put it off, concerned with what I was doing. School, work, "organizing" a community. Thinks could not seem any better: I have received possibly the best grades I have ever gotten while in college so far (3.80), the community seems to be going in a excellent if not extraordinary direction, all while handling a job. The problem? Everything I "did" was half assed. I barely studied or read, I got drunk before every test and while writing my essays, and I've done the bare minimum of my responsibilities. I had all this time to slack off, get drunk, shirk my fucken responsibilities, chasing after love, all the while pretending to myself and others that I was doing the "best" I could. I feel like scum. All this time and I couldn't write a letter.
He was in Iraq
Four days ago I was busy playing World of Warcraft, copying my reciepts to turn in a rebate so I could save my ass 30 bucks because I've done a piss poor job of saving money. After we moved to Paradise Hills in San Diego a few months later Pete and Danny Navarro moved up to Poway. It always felt like forever driving up from my house to their house. They lived by the Wal-Mart. Passing by the Mira Mesa Blvd on the 15, I'd see the houses on the hillside of Scripps Ranch, they used to look so far away and I thought they were tombstones on some distant hill. It felt like forever driving there, but it was only a 30-40 minute drive. I remember visiting a few months after their brother Kevin was born, and when his umbelical cord came off we were running around shoving it in peoples faces. A few months later fed up with the situation with our landlord my folks decided to buy a house in Mira Mesa. I was sad because I had a big ass crush on this girl named Alyssa Tuazon, who I met in the ESL class cause I was stupid and put Tagalog as my primary language. It was raining the day we moved, and I was still thinking about her, but as we exited off Mira Mesa blvd, I saw those familiar tombstone shaped buildings, and thought it wouldn't be that far away from Pete and his family. We only visited them occasionally.
Later on their dad got stationed in Italy and they moved away. While I was doing ROTC in high school he was doing it too over in Spain. It was good seeing him in the military papers cause he got hella up there and was commanding a drill team and other stuff. When they moved away, their cousins moved into their house. They were a family of six 3 girls and a boy who was the second child. The fourth child was still in the Philippines. I was twelve or so when I met them at a party. I got into a fight with the third child and I kinda got a crush on her. I would meet her again during my ate's debut when she was one of the royal court, not only did i have a crush on her again after not seeing her for so long, but so did my ate's friend and my friend. Yes you Lyle. Again I fucken shift the focus to me. Anyway, her parents were at my house today. They gave us the news.
Four days ago when I was fucking playing WoW, and worrying about saving fucken money. E-4 Specialist Navarro was on Humvee in Iraq when a roadside bomb exploded killing him and three other soldiers. He came back July to bury his brother. He went back and was killed with less than a month til is tour was over. I couldnt' even fucking send him a letter. I was too "tired" too "busy." doing fucking jack shit. what the fuck am i?
Kevin is my little sister's age, and he lost both his brothers in less than 6 months. god i want to cry so much, but the tears just aren't falling.
12/17/05
Two days before my birthday one of the kids i grew up with in honolulu passed away due to a gun accident. What the hell could I say to my auntie? What words would could match up to having her son back, let alone do his life any justice? I feel so selfish and greedy, cause at the moment, all i can actually think about is myself. Her only request was for me to write to his elder brother, who is my age, who was in Iraq. Even that I couldn't do. I put it off, concerned with what I was doing. School, work, "organizing" a community. Thinks could not seem any better: I have received possibly the best grades I have ever gotten while in college so far (3.80), the community seems to be going in a excellent if not extraordinary direction, all while handling a job. The problem? Everything I "did" was half assed. I barely studied or read, I got drunk before every test and while writing my essays, and I've done the bare minimum of my responsibilities. I had all this time to slack off, get drunk, shirk my fucken responsibilities, chasing after love, all the while pretending to myself and others that I was doing the "best" I could. I feel like scum. All this time and I couldn't write a letter.
He was in Iraq
Four days ago I was busy playing World of Warcraft, copying my reciepts to turn in a rebate so I could save my ass 30 bucks because I've done a piss poor job of saving money. After we moved to Paradise Hills in San Diego a few months later Pete and Danny Navarro moved up to Poway. It always felt like forever driving up from my house to their house. They lived by the Wal-Mart. Passing by the Mira Mesa Blvd on the 15, I'd see the houses on the hillside of Scripps Ranch, they used to look so far away and I thought they were tombstones on some distant hill. It felt like forever driving there, but it was only a 30-40 minute drive. I remember visiting a few months after their brother Kevin was born, and when his umbelical cord came off we were running around shoving it in peoples faces. A few months later fed up with the situation with our landlord my folks decided to buy a house in Mira Mesa. I was sad because I had a big ass crush on this girl named Alyssa Tuazon, who I met in the ESL class cause I was stupid and put Tagalog as my primary language. It was raining the day we moved, and I was still thinking about her, but as we exited off Mira Mesa blvd, I saw those familiar tombstone shaped buildings, and thought it wouldn't be that far away from Pete and his family. We only visited them occasionally.
Later on their dad got stationed in Italy and they moved away. While I was doing ROTC in high school he was doing it too over in Spain. It was good seeing him in the military papers cause he got hella up there and was commanding a drill team and other stuff. When they moved away, their cousins moved into their house. They were a family of six 3 girls and a boy who was the second child. The fourth child was still in the Philippines. I was twelve or so when I met them at a party. I got into a fight with the third child and I kinda got a crush on her. I would meet her again during my ate's debut when she was one of the royal court, not only did i have a crush on her again after not seeing her for so long, but so did my ate's friend and my friend. Yes you Lyle. Again I fucken shift the focus to me. Anyway, her parents were at my house today. They gave us the news.
Four days ago when I was fucking playing WoW, and worrying about saving fucken money. E-4 Specialist Navarro was on Humvee in Iraq when a roadside bomb exploded killing him and three other soldiers. He came back July to bury his brother. He went back and was killed with less than a month til is tour was over. I couldnt' even fucking send him a letter. I was too "tired" too "busy." doing fucking jack shit. what the fuck am i?
Kevin is my little sister's age, and he lost both his brothers in less than 6 months. god i want to cry so much, but the tears just aren't falling.
12/17/05
Thoughts and Qutoes from Audry Lorde's Sister Outsider
within most patriarchal societies were are socialized and taught to respect, revere, and idolize the extraordinary. in addition to that we are taught that only the actions of men are extraordinary. thus it is only the heroes and not the heroines that are honored, and in addition to we are taught the lives and experiences of our sisters and mothers are not extraordinary. for a great deal of time i did buy into this paradigm, and the fact is it was only a recent realization that i did not have any females that i reguarded as being a person i could aspire to be. so here's some words from Audre Lorde that i found extraordinary.
from "Scratching the Surface: Some Notes on Barriers to Women and Loving"
Racism: The belief in the inherent superiority of one race over all others and thereby the right to dominance.
Sexism: The belief in he inherent superiority of one sex and thereby the right to dominance.
Heterosexism: The belief in the inherent superiority of one pattern of loving and thereby its right to dominance.
Homophobioa: The fear of feelings of love for members of one's own sex and therefore the hatred of those feelings in others.
THE ABOVE FORMS of human blindness stem from the same root - an inability to recognize the notion of difference as a dynamic human force, one which is enriching rather than threatening to the defined self, when there are shared goals....
from "Uses of the Erotic: The Erotic as Power"
...
But the erotic offers a well of replenishing and provocative force to the woman who does not fear its revelation, nor succumb to the belief that sensation is enough.
The erotic has often been misnamed by men and used against women. It has been made into the confused, the trivial, the psychotic, the plasticized sensation. For this reason, we have often turned away from the exploration and consideration of the erotic as a source of power and information, confusing it with its opposite, the pornographic. But pornography is a direct denial of the power of the erotic, for it represents the suppression of true feeling. Pornography emphasizes sensation without feeling.
from "The Transformation of Silence into Language and Action"
...
And where the words of women are crying to be heard, we must each of us recognize our responsibility to seek those words out, to read them and share them and examine them in their pertinence to our lives. That we not hide behind the mockeries of separations that have been imposed upon us and which so often we accept as our own. For instance, "I can't possibly teach Black women's writing - their experience is so different from mine." Yet how many years have you spent teaching Plato and Shakespeare and Proust? Or another, "She's a white woman and what could she possibly have to say to me?" Or, "She's a lesbian what would my husband say, or my chairman?" Or again, "This woman writes of her sons and I have no children." And all the other endless ways in which we rob ourselves of ourselves and each other.
from "Scratching the Surface: Some Notes on Barriers to Women and Loving"
Racism: The belief in the inherent superiority of one race over all others and thereby the right to dominance.
Sexism: The belief in he inherent superiority of one sex and thereby the right to dominance.
Heterosexism: The belief in the inherent superiority of one pattern of loving and thereby its right to dominance.
Homophobioa: The fear of feelings of love for members of one's own sex and therefore the hatred of those feelings in others.
THE ABOVE FORMS of human blindness stem from the same root - an inability to recognize the notion of difference as a dynamic human force, one which is enriching rather than threatening to the defined self, when there are shared goals....
from "Uses of the Erotic: The Erotic as Power"
...
But the erotic offers a well of replenishing and provocative force to the woman who does not fear its revelation, nor succumb to the belief that sensation is enough.
The erotic has often been misnamed by men and used against women. It has been made into the confused, the trivial, the psychotic, the plasticized sensation. For this reason, we have often turned away from the exploration and consideration of the erotic as a source of power and information, confusing it with its opposite, the pornographic. But pornography is a direct denial of the power of the erotic, for it represents the suppression of true feeling. Pornography emphasizes sensation without feeling.
from "The Transformation of Silence into Language and Action"
...
And where the words of women are crying to be heard, we must each of us recognize our responsibility to seek those words out, to read them and share them and examine them in their pertinence to our lives. That we not hide behind the mockeries of separations that have been imposed upon us and which so often we accept as our own. For instance, "I can't possibly teach Black women's writing - their experience is so different from mine." Yet how many years have you spent teaching Plato and Shakespeare and Proust? Or another, "She's a white woman and what could she possibly have to say to me?" Or, "She's a lesbian what would my husband say, or my chairman?" Or again, "This woman writes of her sons and I have no children." And all the other endless ways in which we rob ourselves of ourselves and each other.
Q&A with Malcolm X after his speech "The Black Revolution" It's interesting the question he gets at the "Militant Labor Forum"
About school integration
"But a segregated school system isn't necessarily the same situation that exists ini an all-white neighborhood. A school system in an all-white neighborhood is not a segregated school system. The only time it's segregated is when it is in a community that is other than white, but at the same time is controlled by the whites. So my understanding of a segregated school system, or a segregated community, or a segregated school, is a school that's controlled by people other than those that go there.
But in an all-white neighborhood, where you have an all-white sschool, that's not a segregated school. Usually they have a high-caliber education. Anytime someone else can put on you what they want, naturally you're going to have something that's inferior. So the schools in Harlem are not controlled by the people in Harlem, they're controlled by the man downtown. And the man downtown takes all of the tax dollars and spends them elsewhere, but he keeps the facilities, the schoolteachers, and the schoolbooks, material, in Harlem at the very lowerst level. So this produces a segregated education, which doesn't do our people any good.
On the other hand, if we can get an all-black school, that we can control, staff it ourselves with the type of teachers that have our good at heart, with the type of books that have in them many of the missing ingredients that have produced the inferiority complex in our people, then we don't feel that an all-black school is necessarily a segregated school. It's only segregated when it's controlled by someone from outside. I hope I'm making my point. I just can't see where if white people can go to a white classroom and there are no Negroes present and it doesn't affect the academic diet they're receiving, then I don't see where an all-black classroom can be affected by the absense of white children. If the absence of lblack children doesn't affect white students, I don't see how the absense of whites is going to affect the blacks.
So, what the integrationists, in my opinion, are saying when they say that whites and blacks must go to school together, is that the whites are so much superior that just their presence in a black classroom balances it out. I can't go along with that."
Can Black leaders achieve their freedom without the help of white radicals?
"England became powerful because she had others to fight for her. She used the African against the Asian and the Asian against the African. France used the Senegalese. All these white powers have had some little lackeys to do their fighting for them, and America has had 22 million African-Americans to do your fighting for you.
It is we who have fought your battles for you, and have picked your cotton for you. We built this house that you're living in. It was our labor that built this house. You sat beneath the old cotton tree telling us how long to work or how hard to work, but it was our labor, our sweat and our blood that made this country what it is, and we're the only ones who haven't benefited from it. All We're saying today is, it's payday - retroactive."
"But a segregated school system isn't necessarily the same situation that exists ini an all-white neighborhood. A school system in an all-white neighborhood is not a segregated school system. The only time it's segregated is when it is in a community that is other than white, but at the same time is controlled by the whites. So my understanding of a segregated school system, or a segregated community, or a segregated school, is a school that's controlled by people other than those that go there.
But in an all-white neighborhood, where you have an all-white sschool, that's not a segregated school. Usually they have a high-caliber education. Anytime someone else can put on you what they want, naturally you're going to have something that's inferior. So the schools in Harlem are not controlled by the people in Harlem, they're controlled by the man downtown. And the man downtown takes all of the tax dollars and spends them elsewhere, but he keeps the facilities, the schoolteachers, and the schoolbooks, material, in Harlem at the very lowerst level. So this produces a segregated education, which doesn't do our people any good.
On the other hand, if we can get an all-black school, that we can control, staff it ourselves with the type of teachers that have our good at heart, with the type of books that have in them many of the missing ingredients that have produced the inferiority complex in our people, then we don't feel that an all-black school is necessarily a segregated school. It's only segregated when it's controlled by someone from outside. I hope I'm making my point. I just can't see where if white people can go to a white classroom and there are no Negroes present and it doesn't affect the academic diet they're receiving, then I don't see where an all-black classroom can be affected by the absense of white children. If the absence of lblack children doesn't affect white students, I don't see how the absense of whites is going to affect the blacks.
So, what the integrationists, in my opinion, are saying when they say that whites and blacks must go to school together, is that the whites are so much superior that just their presence in a black classroom balances it out. I can't go along with that."
Can Black leaders achieve their freedom without the help of white radicals?
"England became powerful because she had others to fight for her. She used the African against the Asian and the Asian against the African. France used the Senegalese. All these white powers have had some little lackeys to do their fighting for them, and America has had 22 million African-Americans to do your fighting for you.
It is we who have fought your battles for you, and have picked your cotton for you. We built this house that you're living in. It was our labor that built this house. You sat beneath the old cotton tree telling us how long to work or how hard to work, but it was our labor, our sweat and our blood that made this country what it is, and we're the only ones who haven't benefited from it. All We're saying today is, it's payday - retroactive."
What does Diaspora Mean to You?
Tersely speaking, the diaspora is the movement of bodies from their “native” territory to a new territory. Originally applied to describe the dispersal of the Jewish people from the territory called
In describing the relationship between my family, the diaspora, and I; two important notions are that of the “imagined community” and the concept of “home.” Home, or more specifically, the feeling of the existence of multiple homes for oneself, is a marker of a diasporic experience. I identify home not only as the
The difference between the diasporic experience of my parents and I lies in our immigrant status. As a second generation immigrant still living in the
While the Philippine diaspora was created through
Serendipity
does serendipity ever dance at dawn?
when moon beams shine on mountains tops
as the earth echoes and yawns
her eyes fade as the stars do
to an endless sea of blue skies tinged with light
she never sighs or weeps
at least not in front of me
her laughter brings a joy that's limitless
and her smile an ecstasy beyond sexual bliss
yes, you boarder on a spiritual divinity
because a part of God lies within you
for you to see God within everyone individually
chizzled by the wind and nutured by sun and water
daughter mother of all and mother of one
your tongue speaks of mysteries answered by truth
youth is only a state of mind for you as is sooth
no you say: you're not perfect, because perfect isn't real
well you're as unreal as it gets
and your imprefection is your beauty
least i ever forget
08/19/05
when moon beams shine on mountains tops
as the earth echoes and yawns
her eyes fade as the stars do
to an endless sea of blue skies tinged with light
she never sighs or weeps
at least not in front of me
her laughter brings a joy that's limitless
and her smile an ecstasy beyond sexual bliss
yes, you boarder on a spiritual divinity
because a part of God lies within you
for you to see God within everyone individually
chizzled by the wind and nutured by sun and water
daughter mother of all and mother of one
your tongue speaks of mysteries answered by truth
youth is only a state of mind for you as is sooth
no you say: you're not perfect, because perfect isn't real
well you're as unreal as it gets
and your imprefection is your beauty
least i ever forget
08/19/05
8/15/05
embedded within the history's mysteries are her stories of when, then and now
how we came into existence
is it the chicken or the egg
sent ahead of time
to those blinded by signs
stop...go
it's when you know to proceed
to read between the lines
hidden as i pantomime
sometimes i can rhyme
but is it a meaninglesss existence?
as a ripple can become a wave
made
i drift
swollen of these ex-states see
me
be
three times nine i find
colors
rhymes
are padded the mad hatted said:
thrice stories slayed sooth
it's thy youth for the truth
and i exchanged what i posses to reprosses what was once mine
----------------
a very good friend visited....
-------------
comment from me in 2008, i don't remember who the hell visited i'm guessing it was Lovely
how we came into existence
is it the chicken or the egg
sent ahead of time
to those blinded by signs
stop...go
it's when you know to proceed
to read between the lines
hidden as i pantomime
sometimes i can rhyme
but is it a meaninglesss existence?
as a ripple can become a wave
made
i drift
swollen of these ex-states see
me
be
three times nine i find
colors
rhymes
are padded the mad hatted said:
thrice stories slayed sooth
it's thy youth for the truth
and i exchanged what i posses to reprosses what was once mine
----------------
a very good friend visited....
-------------
comment from me in 2008, i don't remember who the hell visited i'm guessing it was Lovely
what is this movement and where the fuck are people moving to?
this entry was partly inspired by the ever inspiring Ms. Levid.
"what is this movement and where the fuck are people moving to?"
progress...movement...activism...all these words employ a sense of motion; specifically forward motion rather than regression or inaction. back in high school it was very rare to meet folk that actually got it, let alone were actually interested in it. so i entered into college hoping to meet folk that were. while there were much more forward thinking folk here than in high school, i attribute that to the larger population more so than the stereotype of the crazy liberal university, which is much more closer to the right than conservative folks would like the masses to believe. finding people that are interested in actually "shaking the core" are far and in between. one of the reasons is the level of commitment it does take. how willing are people to work for a cause they most likely won't benefit from? activism goes far beyond the university and it deals with real people's lives. one example would be the fight to keep the King/Drew Hospital open, a trauma center that intersects minutes from 5 major freeways. it saves tens of thousands of lives every year due to it's positioning, yet it's still slated to shut down. make no mistake, as jollene put it, people have full time careers doing activist work. however, this leads me to another topic..wannabe superstar psuedo activists.
yes it is trendy to be on the left in college. "but you just said liberal universities were a stereotype?" and i also said it was difficult finding folks that want to "shake the core." frankly, i take actions speaking louder than words true to the heart. while it's cool that folks rock Che shirts, a large part of them don't even know who the fuck he is nor do they realize PURCHASING a shirt with his image is actually contrary to what he worked for. there's plenty of stereotypes about activists: megaphone touting, placard carying, militant protestor is one of them. but 10% of the work activists do is in the public, and the wannabe superstars are the ones out for only that 10%. attitudes towards activists are either opposition, ambivalence, or adoration; and yup them psuedo activists are only out for adoration. one of the other stereotypes are the artsy spoken word poets that really don't do shit. see this is a weird place for me cause i enjoy writing and performing; and while i have met a share of poets/spoken word artists that do work, there is a maaasssss majority out there that don't. it's even ten times worse when their poetry sucks. another category of psuedo activism are macktivists.
so what the hell is a macktivist? a cat who wants to get their(usually a his) mack on by pretending to be interested in activism. they're usually either one of the two examples of psuedo activists, or even both, that i listed. there's also folk that try to use their positions in organizations, or do work on a certain issue, just because there's a female involved that they wanna hook up with. to me there is a pretty clear difference between a macktivist and someone that falls into a relationship.
as a great man once said "Leadership is only incidental to the movement." you are not serving the community if you care about praise. it does not matter how much you've so-called fucken done. your titles don't mean shit. if you're in it to get a pat on the head or a cookie, get the fuck out. objectivity and fence sitting should be thrown out the door the moment lives are on the line. a real leader is satisfied that the goal is acheived, not if s/he gets credit for reaching the goal.
"what is this movement and where the fuck are people moving to?"
progress...movement...activism...all these words employ a sense of motion; specifically forward motion rather than regression or inaction. back in high school it was very rare to meet folk that actually got it, let alone were actually interested in it. so i entered into college hoping to meet folk that were. while there were much more forward thinking folk here than in high school, i attribute that to the larger population more so than the stereotype of the crazy liberal university, which is much more closer to the right than conservative folks would like the masses to believe. finding people that are interested in actually "shaking the core" are far and in between. one of the reasons is the level of commitment it does take. how willing are people to work for a cause they most likely won't benefit from? activism goes far beyond the university and it deals with real people's lives. one example would be the fight to keep the King/Drew Hospital open, a trauma center that intersects minutes from 5 major freeways. it saves tens of thousands of lives every year due to it's positioning, yet it's still slated to shut down. make no mistake, as jollene put it, people have full time careers doing activist work. however, this leads me to another topic..wannabe superstar psuedo activists.
yes it is trendy to be on the left in college. "but you just said liberal universities were a stereotype?" and i also said it was difficult finding folks that want to "shake the core." frankly, i take actions speaking louder than words true to the heart. while it's cool that folks rock Che shirts, a large part of them don't even know who the fuck he is nor do they realize PURCHASING a shirt with his image is actually contrary to what he worked for. there's plenty of stereotypes about activists: megaphone touting, placard carying, militant protestor is one of them. but 10% of the work activists do is in the public, and the wannabe superstars are the ones out for only that 10%. attitudes towards activists are either opposition, ambivalence, or adoration; and yup them psuedo activists are only out for adoration. one of the other stereotypes are the artsy spoken word poets that really don't do shit. see this is a weird place for me cause i enjoy writing and performing; and while i have met a share of poets/spoken word artists that do work, there is a maaasssss majority out there that don't. it's even ten times worse when their poetry sucks. another category of psuedo activism are macktivists.
so what the hell is a macktivist? a cat who wants to get their(usually a his) mack on by pretending to be interested in activism. they're usually either one of the two examples of psuedo activists, or even both, that i listed. there's also folk that try to use their positions in organizations, or do work on a certain issue, just because there's a female involved that they wanna hook up with. to me there is a pretty clear difference between a macktivist and someone that falls into a relationship.
as a great man once said "Leadership is only incidental to the movement." you are not serving the community if you care about praise. it does not matter how much you've so-called fucken done. your titles don't mean shit. if you're in it to get a pat on the head or a cookie, get the fuck out. objectivity and fence sitting should be thrown out the door the moment lives are on the line. a real leader is satisfied that the goal is acheived, not if s/he gets credit for reaching the goal.
7/28/05
silly me, or is it me bein silly?
crazy lady creeps the weak who can't speak
red blushes seen on her peach cheeks unique
queeeen i ain't seen you in a minute
that's why this thumb war of love...
i can't seem to win it
forget it!
you ain't need to steal my heart
it's already yours
so come what may
come august
come june the moon blooms true blue for you
ribbons in the sky tied in knots with butterflies
my stomach is when i think of you
lean it back or maybe just rock a way
your eyes they lead my astray
you're more than just a pretty face
you got a mind i'd die to hide in
with a spirit that makes me wanna give chase
racin fast my heart's runnin
but i can't escape
you're the air that i breathe
with you around who won't believe in a higher bein
your pressence is divinity's essence
to which i surrender in acquiescence
but sometimes i'm not sure what i'm sayin
or how i meant this
so make me your apprentice
but i ain't like anakin
i wanna be more akin to the shamans or a priestess
so i can commune with your nature
and be one with your kind
but the truth is ain't nothin worse than love that's blind
crazy lady creeps the weak who can't speak
red blushes seen on her peach cheeks unique
queeeen i ain't seen you in a minute
that's why this thumb war of love...
i can't seem to win it
forget it!
you ain't need to steal my heart
it's already yours
so come what may
come august
come june the moon blooms true blue for you
ribbons in the sky tied in knots with butterflies
my stomach is when i think of you
lean it back or maybe just rock a way
your eyes they lead my astray
you're more than just a pretty face
you got a mind i'd die to hide in
with a spirit that makes me wanna give chase
racin fast my heart's runnin
but i can't escape
you're the air that i breathe
with you around who won't believe in a higher bein
your pressence is divinity's essence
to which i surrender in acquiescence
but sometimes i'm not sure what i'm sayin
or how i meant this
so make me your apprentice
but i ain't like anakin
i wanna be more akin to the shamans or a priestess
so i can commune with your nature
and be one with your kind
but the truth is ain't nothin worse than love that's blind
7/01/05
in sweet simplicity's mysteries lies the histories of inequity
truths laid to rest under phallic shaped tombs among fields of blue skies
eyes of the immortal wandering journeying east to where the sun may rise
and under the guise of dawn she yawns to the scent of palm
and with a strong psalm her voice echoes on
with her songs reaching the souls of the unheard
left to burn under the fires of ambiguity
and within those fires lay the empirical for you to see
why is it that there are those who claim to have more humanity?
words only have meaning to those who understand
truths laid to rest under phallic shaped tombs among fields of blue skies
eyes of the immortal wandering journeying east to where the sun may rise
and under the guise of dawn she yawns to the scent of palm
and with a strong psalm her voice echoes on
with her songs reaching the souls of the unheard
left to burn under the fires of ambiguity
and within those fires lay the empirical for you to see
why is it that there are those who claim to have more humanity?
words only have meaning to those who understand
RIP Daniel Navarro
Fuck...a family friend that i met in honolulu just passed away today. apparently it was a car accident or something not more than 5 hours ago. last time we spoke with his mom was about two months ago. it's fucken crazy, man i can remember when we found out that they moved to poway and we'd go visit them until they moved to italy. then they just recently moved back to the states. he was about a year younger than me, his brother Pete is currently in Iraq. fuck man. i just don't know what to say.
RIP Daniel Navarro
RIP Daniel Navarro
An Oral History Project
Decolonization continues to be an act of confrontation with a hegemonic system of thought; it is hence a process of considerable historical and cultural liberation. As such, decolonization becomes the contestation of all dominant forms and structures, whether they be linguistic, discursive, or ideological.
-Samia Nehrez
Antonio Gramsci defines hegemony as the consolidation of power through the coercion and consent of the governed (Omi and Winant 67.) There can be no perfect a description of the imperial and colonial relationship between the
My mother, Nenita Manansala Macapinlac, was born Nenita Miranda Manansala
Seven months pregnant with my kuya, my mother moved to
From
It was not until the mid 1990s that my mother would formally enter the work force. Before becoming employed in her current job she had a short stint working as a maid at the local Marriot Hotel. While not so much within
In returning to the theory of hegemony, while power is gained by coercion it is not consolidated unless there is also consent; a feeling also shared by Machiavelli. In addition to formally controlling the government and people through physical means, colonial powers also colonized the minds of their subjects in order to consolidate control. The effects of colonization and hegemony equate to the re-engineering of illogical concepts into beliefs that are not merely ordinary, but common sense or even fundamental to our existence. As such, emigration from the home country is natural, children being raised by people other than their parents is natural, women taking jobs below their education level is natural, mothers leaving their families to work in another country for decades is natural. We as people are left to believe that our current conditions are the way that it has been, the way that it should be, and the way it will always be. In returning to Nehrez, in order to truly decolonize and enter a post-colonial era, we must contest these notions of normativity continuing to confront hegemonic systems of thought and the tangible institutions they form.
Works Cited
Anderson, Benedict. Imagined Communities: Reflections on the Origin and Spread of Nationalism.
McClintock, Anne. “The Lay of the Land-Genealogies of Imperialism,” Imperial Leather: Race, Gender, and Sexuality in the Colonial Contest.
Mohanty, Chandra T. “Women Workers and Capitalist Scripts: Ideologies of Domination, Common Interests, and the Politics of Solidarity,” Feminist Genealogies, Colonial legacies, Democratic Futures.
Omi, Michael and Winant, H. Racial Formation in the
Hill Collins, Patricia. Black Feminist Thought: Knowledge, Consciousness, and the Politics of Empowerment.
Love
Cornthians 12:12
If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels,
but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.
If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom
all mysteries and all knowledge,
and if I have a faith that can move mountains,
but have not love, I am nothing.
If I give all I possess to the poor
and surrender by body to the flames,
but have not love, I gain nothing.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not boast,
it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self seeking,
it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts,
always hopes, always preserveres.
----------------
one day it'll all make sense
If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels,
but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.
If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom
all mysteries and all knowledge,
and if I have a faith that can move mountains,
but have not love, I am nothing.
If I give all I possess to the poor
and surrender by body to the flames,
but have not love, I gain nothing.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not boast,
it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self seeking,
it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts,
always hopes, always preserveres.
----------------
one day it'll all make sense
change
5/26/05
the largest problem is that we as people have been conditioned by society to believe that the way things are is natural. that the way the world is is the way that it has been, should be, and always will be. we must challenge ourselves to search for a better way, to continually question, and to continually be critical of ourselves in every aspect of our lives.
the largest problem is that we as people have been conditioned by society to believe that the way things are is natural. that the way the world is is the way that it has been, should be, and always will be. we must challenge ourselves to search for a better way, to continually question, and to continually be critical of ourselves in every aspect of our lives.
Magkasama '05 (unfinished?)
i frankly don't remember if i got around to finishing this piece but i did use a substantial amount in my performance at Magkasama
i gaze upon flag draped balikbayan boxes filled with the fruits of their labor
bullet ridden corpses
as they're unloaded off the plane
my hand rests along side the brow of my eye
and i ask myself
how did we get this far
how did we get to a point where we can no longer communicate
where flags and banners are placed higher than truth
where our innermost feelings must be buried deep in secret
trapped in a so called land of freedom
we're forced to repress ourselves
or lay open to the slings and slander
backed by the thunderous applause of the whole
a society where we seek to better only the self
to ignore the thousands, with thousands of stories themselves
whose daily interactions shape our lives
they say no one is an island
yet we're forced to be alone
to hide ourselves from the truth
why do we keep doing this?
why must we live not by our passions
but by what's practical
why must practicality be linked to dollar signs
and our lives be consumed by our own consumerism
hip hop stop
you are no longer the her i used to love
you have long since been engendered with a masculinity that abhors biyuti
abhors the female within, the mother to your mother
the lola, the abuela,
your misogynistic homophobic ways have enforced a patriarchical society that worships phallic shaped tombs rather than wombs
through your strive you've lost your strength
you are no longer concerned with the daily travails of the masses
but instead concerned with conforming to complacency
you have dropped what's hot in favor of a more simple path
you have allowed yourself to be consumed to a level where even the mos def of us have once again painted our faces black to sell cars and clothes
your so called underground has been driven above to the mainstreams and rivers of a commercialized globe
you were once a revolutionary movement that now merely revolves in circles
you have been removed from the concrete streets and beats that are your source
and have now been trapped and packaged in a form that can be felt from the confort of your very own suburban home
as the cyclical course of time repeats
it is now time to turn to the radical
the root of the source the mother of all
where art thou o queen of life
fresh flowers bloom in your wake
while the flesh is born anew
and the soul transcends to plains shaped by you
bathed in hues unseen to the naked eye of the storm
seen only by the heart and felt by the ear
suffering under the discriminilization of our bodies
not done
May 21, 2005
i gaze upon flag draped balikbayan boxes filled with the fruits of their labor
bullet ridden corpses
as they're unloaded off the plane
my hand rests along side the brow of my eye
and i ask myself
how did we get this far
how did we get to a point where we can no longer communicate
where flags and banners are placed higher than truth
where our innermost feelings must be buried deep in secret
trapped in a so called land of freedom
we're forced to repress ourselves
or lay open to the slings and slander
backed by the thunderous applause of the whole
a society where we seek to better only the self
to ignore the thousands, with thousands of stories themselves
whose daily interactions shape our lives
they say no one is an island
yet we're forced to be alone
to hide ourselves from the truth
why do we keep doing this?
why must we live not by our passions
but by what's practical
why must practicality be linked to dollar signs
and our lives be consumed by our own consumerism
hip hop stop
you are no longer the her i used to love
you have long since been engendered with a masculinity that abhors biyuti
abhors the female within, the mother to your mother
the lola, the abuela,
your misogynistic homophobic ways have enforced a patriarchical society that worships phallic shaped tombs rather than wombs
through your strive you've lost your strength
you are no longer concerned with the daily travails of the masses
but instead concerned with conforming to complacency
you have dropped what's hot in favor of a more simple path
you have allowed yourself to be consumed to a level where even the mos def of us have once again painted our faces black to sell cars and clothes
your so called underground has been driven above to the mainstreams and rivers of a commercialized globe
you were once a revolutionary movement that now merely revolves in circles
you have been removed from the concrete streets and beats that are your source
and have now been trapped and packaged in a form that can be felt from the confort of your very own suburban home
as the cyclical course of time repeats
it is now time to turn to the radical
the root of the source the mother of all
where art thou o queen of life
fresh flowers bloom in your wake
while the flesh is born anew
and the soul transcends to plains shaped by you
bathed in hues unseen to the naked eye of the storm
seen only by the heart and felt by the ear
suffering under the discriminilization of our bodies
not done
May 21, 2005
i'm friends with a/have a partner that's "so and so" so i can say whatever i want about them
i have a (insert oppressed group) friend so i can talk as much shit about (insert same oppressed group) people as i want.
response:
intimate relationships/friendships are not mutually exclusive to discrimination: racism/sexism/homophobia/classism; they offer no insurance against any discrimination. in fact there may be a tendency to "excuse" that factor from acknowledgement and take that person as an exception; to declare them more human in spite of the dehumanization towards the rest of their group. another response could be the objectification of a person based upon their identity; to take (their 'rightful') ownership of said person due to their own superiority within the matrix of domination.
this isn't to say that relationships and friendships with others are wrong and/or cannot be forged. however if they are forged on bad faith: as a means to escape ones reality (to subjugate or be subjugated) or taking an ahistorical perspective towards past oppression, then such a relationship is healthy to neither party. we cannot ignore how our present has been forged by past oppression, nor can we ignore the social contexts which we live in.
response:
intimate relationships/friendships are not mutually exclusive to discrimination: racism/sexism/homophobia/classism; they offer no insurance against any discrimination. in fact there may be a tendency to "excuse" that factor from acknowledgement and take that person as an exception; to declare them more human in spite of the dehumanization towards the rest of their group. another response could be the objectification of a person based upon their identity; to take (their 'rightful') ownership of said person due to their own superiority within the matrix of domination.
this isn't to say that relationships and friendships with others are wrong and/or cannot be forged. however if they are forged on bad faith: as a means to escape ones reality (to subjugate or be subjugated) or taking an ahistorical perspective towards past oppression, then such a relationship is healthy to neither party. we cannot ignore how our present has been forged by past oppression, nor can we ignore the social contexts which we live in.
Rewriting a Rewritten Past
The Modern Era was the age which had laid the foundation for the present, one could argue this had begun with the age of enlightenment. However the exact starting point is irrelevant, more importantly this age was embodied as giving birth to scientific method as a result of the classical revival, the revival of the so called great civilization of
Fanon argues that Anti-Blackness arises from the “sociogenic” dimension of the situation, which refers to the role of human institutions in the constitution of what human beings regard as “natural” in the features of social life. In the denial of Africa as the cradle of civilization and instead the promotion of Greece and the West as the birth of civilization, there is an implication of White/Western Supremacy as being natural; that it always was this way, that it was meant to be this way, and that it always will be. In another contemporary context this sociogenic situation fuels attacks on Cultural Studies by feeding claims that the West is the only place where anything that mattered occurred. Thus Black Athena aims at the crux of the argument posed by the Western Supremacist.
A point was made in the film by a critic of Bernal that his work has the opposite effect of promoting Whites rather than Blacks by arguing Bernal favors Western thought though merely wishes to give credit to Blacks. By implying the superiority of Western thought, Bernal’s work leaves an impression of the goal of Blacks laying claim to what is considered Whiteness. In Pedagogy of the Oppressed, Paulo Freire writes that an oppressed people’s ideal is to be human, but their sociogenic situation leads them to believe to be human is to be what their oppressors are, which could also be described as the poststructural parlance of the black chasing the signifier in hope of becoming the signifier. However, Fanon writes: “A total retreat from Western rationality as rationality leads to a glorified blackness that inevitably realizes its self-deception: An essentialized blackness that intensifies white hegemony.” Fanon goes on to say: “Let us decide not to imitate
4/26/05
--
comments from jollene:
1) are we living in a time where Western Modern thought is no longer deeply rooted with Anti-Blackness?2)here is where i think post-modernism is basically impossible. how are we to start right at the beginning w/o a past? i dont think that erasing the past is the answer to creating a just future. i think revolutions are contingent on the fact that peoples are able to finally write and interpret their own histories. i think "moving beyond the modern era" is impossible materially at this point when we are barely realizing our own past and ignorant of our present (outside of our own experience in an imperialist country). what do you think?
is it possible for "God" to actually be the antithesis of beauty?
in our imaginations we always assume that "God" is something beautiful beyond our imagination. but "God" doesn't necessarily have to be so as it encompasses creation itself, so in essence "God" is everything or anything it wants it to be. but more importantly what if "God" truly was ugly? is it possible for people to accept it as such? it would take a true believer to love "God" even if "God" was not the way we imagined. also if you believe in the contrast to "God," the "satan," being a deceiver of souls it would make sense for it to appear beautiful in order to appeal to the weakness of people in wanting a beautiful "God."
also, if you take Revelations and the End of Times seriously the Anti-Christ is a similar figure. he will appear to be a savior when in actuality he is not. if the notion of only 144,000 out of the whole world (including the people long gone) being saved is true that would mean he would decieve a large number of people, given the "foretold" pressence of an Anti-Pope, even the so called faithful will be tricked as well.
also, if you take Revelations and the End of Times seriously the Anti-Christ is a similar figure. he will appear to be a savior when in actuality he is not. if the notion of only 144,000 out of the whole world (including the people long gone) being saved is true that would mean he would decieve a large number of people, given the "foretold" pressence of an Anti-Pope, even the so called faithful will be tricked as well.
all objects are matter and all matter is objective to me
scientifically speaking, thoughts are merely electrical impulses that travel through your brain no?
and in a sense, thoughts are energy right?
so in thinking about the law of conservation of energy, energy can never be created nor destroyed...
so in essense, there can never truely be an original thought
in reflecting about how i learned and how people learn
it's really us borrowing ideas from other people
of course this does ignore the aspect of creativity
but returning to the aspect of energy being impossible to destroy
this can also be interepreted as thoughts and ideas being everlasting
there is no lost thought...and it can never disappear...
another concept/idea i've been toying around with
music, voices, tone, can all have an effect on someone
when you hear a song...or someone singing =)...it can make you "feel" a certain way
now i'm going to argue that we actually have no sense of sound
sounds are merely vibrations right?
they're received by the eardrum and through the magic of biology are interepeted into electrical impluses
so lets return to the aspect of the eardrum
these vibrations are felt, correct?
now, when someone touches you
depending on a many things this causes you to react a certain way
to "feel" a certain way
so i think it can be argued that the sense of sound
is essentially an extension of someone's sense of touch
but if anything we are merely beings of sound
4/05/05
and in a sense, thoughts are energy right?
so in thinking about the law of conservation of energy, energy can never be created nor destroyed...
so in essense, there can never truely be an original thought
in reflecting about how i learned and how people learn
it's really us borrowing ideas from other people
of course this does ignore the aspect of creativity
but returning to the aspect of energy being impossible to destroy
this can also be interepreted as thoughts and ideas being everlasting
there is no lost thought...and it can never disappear...
another concept/idea i've been toying around with
music, voices, tone, can all have an effect on someone
when you hear a song...or someone singing =)...it can make you "feel" a certain way
now i'm going to argue that we actually have no sense of sound
sounds are merely vibrations right?
they're received by the eardrum and through the magic of biology are interepeted into electrical impluses
so lets return to the aspect of the eardrum
these vibrations are felt, correct?
now, when someone touches you
depending on a many things this causes you to react a certain way
to "feel" a certain way
so i think it can be argued that the sense of sound
is essentially an extension of someone's sense of touch
but if anything we are merely beings of sound
4/05/05
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