RIP Pete Navarro

Unsent Letter

Two days before my birthday one of the kids i grew up with in honolulu passed away due to a gun accident. What the hell could I say to my auntie? What words would could match up to having her son back, let alone do his life any justice? I feel so selfish and greedy, cause at the moment, all i can actually think about is myself. Her only request was for me to write to his elder brother, who is my age, who was in Iraq. Even that I couldn't do. I put it off, concerned with what I was doing. School, work, "organizing" a community. Thinks could not seem any better: I have received possibly the best grades I have ever gotten while in college so far (3.80), the community seems to be going in a excellent if not extraordinary direction, all while handling a job. The problem? Everything I "did" was half assed. I barely studied or read, I got drunk before every test and while writing my essays, and I've done the bare minimum of my responsibilities. I had all this time to slack off, get drunk, shirk my fucken responsibilities, chasing after love, all the while pretending to myself and others that I was doing the "best" I could. I feel like scum. All this time and I couldn't write a letter.

He was in Iraq

Four days ago I was busy playing World of Warcraft, copying my reciepts to turn in a rebate so I could save my ass 30 bucks because I've done a piss poor job of saving money. After we moved to Paradise Hills in San Diego a few months later Pete and Danny Navarro moved up to Poway. It always felt like forever driving up from my house to their house. They lived by the Wal-Mart. Passing by the Mira Mesa Blvd on the 15, I'd see the houses on the hillside of Scripps Ranch, they used to look so far away and I thought they were tombstones on some distant hill. It felt like forever driving there, but it was only a 30-40 minute drive. I remember visiting a few months after their brother Kevin was born, and when his umbelical cord came off we were running around shoving it in peoples faces. A few months later fed up with the situation with our landlord my folks decided to buy a house in Mira Mesa. I was sad because I had a big ass crush on this girl named Alyssa Tuazon, who I met in the ESL class cause I was stupid and put Tagalog as my primary language. It was raining the day we moved, and I was still thinking about her, but as we exited off Mira Mesa blvd, I saw those familiar tombstone shaped buildings, and thought it wouldn't be that far away from Pete and his family. We only visited them occasionally.

Later on their dad got stationed in Italy and they moved away. While I was doing ROTC in high school he was doing it too over in Spain. It was good seeing him in the military papers cause he got hella up there and was commanding a drill team and other stuff. When they moved away, their cousins moved into their house. They were a family of six 3 girls and a boy who was the second child. The fourth child was still in the Philippines. I was twelve or so when I met them at a party. I got into a fight with the third child and I kinda got a crush on her. I would meet her again during my ate's debut when she was one of the royal court, not only did i have a crush on her again after not seeing her for so long, but so did my ate's friend and my friend. Yes you Lyle. Again I fucken shift the focus to me. Anyway, her parents were at my house today. They gave us the news.

Four days ago when I was fucking playing WoW, and worrying about saving fucken money. E-4 Specialist Navarro was on Humvee in Iraq when a roadside bomb exploded killing him and three other soldiers. He came back July to bury his brother. He went back and was killed with less than a month til is tour was over. I couldnt' even fucking send him a letter. I was too "tired" too "busy." doing fucking jack shit. what the fuck am i?

Kevin is my little sister's age, and he lost both his brothers in less than 6 months. god i want to cry so much, but the tears just aren't falling.


12/17/05